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I hate hospitals. D.E.S.P.I.S.E. People die in them. People are born in them. Yes, we can be born other places and die other locations too. However, hospitals are the majority location I guess when I think of these things. I don’t like being in them, nor do I like seeing others. I have my reasons, suffice it to say that none are great.
 
Seeing my wife today, lying there made me uncomfortable. No matter how much Faith I have in the Lord, hospitals are just a place I don’t like to go. Cords, monitors, tubing, breathing machines, hearing CODE BLUE over the pa system for everyone to know that someone in that place is potentially dying is not cool.
 
I spent five days when Abby was born, our oldest, watching her in the NICU in a hospital. Not being able to bring your kid home and they telling you over and over they have no clue what’s wrong sucks. I watched on a rainy Thursday night in 1989 as my mom took her last breath in a hospital. I held one hand as her own mother held her other. All I can remember is my nanny saying to me and the nurse, it isn’t supposed to be this way. Parents aren’t supposed to bury their children.
 
All this to say that I was hesitant to have my own surgery, let alone sit and watch my wife have hers. But, we are on this road called life and we make our own decisions a lot and we are responsible for that. I hate seeing people in pain. Especially voluntarily. I don’t understand it. I don’t like it.
 
I know this isn’t my circus or rodeo this time.  I had mine a few weeks ago, 7 tomorrow to be exact.  However, watching her going through this and knowing deep down that she is hurting and in pain and that like me she puts on a good show, makes it harder.  She won’t relax.  She called me today thinking I had called her.  Apparently the phone rang in her room twice and she thought it was me.  It wasn’t so imagine when the hospital phone number shows up on my caller id.  This was after speaking to the surgeon.  Then the voice tells me it is her RN from the hospital to start with.  Needless to say, my heart sank to the floor at first.
I know my wife.  And I know she is strong.  I also know she is as obstinate and strong as an ox too.  That is perhaps one of her truly most endearing qualities.  I love her for that, more than she knows.  I realize this short stay will pass for her.  I just hate pain for her or those I love.  To hell with myself!
I LOVE MY WIFE AND I LOVE MY KIDS!!!
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