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So, for the past 25 years I have held onto the memories of my mom.  Her smile, her laugh, her way of calling me Mikey and many upon many other amazing things.  It sucked ass losing her when I was 14.  It turned my world on its ear.  This week I had an epiphany.  I have come to the conclusion that I have let her death rob me of good times and laughs for a long time.  That I was failing to realize what kind of true effect it was having on me and my life.  Not that I don’t laugh or have fun, but I have long periods when I get very sad and upset about losing her.  Telling myself that I should have done much more than I did for her.  Somehow that maybe I could’ve done more than I did.  For me it was different than my siblings.  My next nearest sibling in age was almost 23 when mom died.  They had her a lot longer than I did.  And funny how some people never learn from things.   

But I’ve come to the conclusion that I have been robbing myself and my family of a lot of happiness.  What did it for me after all this time?  A picture.  I saw a side by side of one of my lifelong heroes, President Abraham Lincoln.  A picture of one of his first days in office as POTUS was right beside the last known photo of him ever taken.  In a short period of time, you could see the age progression that had overtaken his life.  It was sad and he couldn’t stop it.  I started to envision that my life was turning into this.  That my life was being ruined by my attitude and how I viewed her death.  Futhermore, it was doing nothing but robbing me of precious time here on this planet with my family and the fun surrounding those times. 

So, keeping mindful of all that she did to shape me as a person, spouse, child and individual, I am going to try living a much happier life.  Doing more fun things.  Not allowing what MIGHT happen hold me down.  I’m not going to sit around and worry about terminal things in life; no matter what they are.  It is time to start over.  Renew and refresh.  Charge ahead.